Ice Skating: A Reflection

Last night, I went ice skating.

I've been ice skating a lot in my life, a few times a year. I am thankful that I learned to skate as a kid, because I imagine if I tried learning it now, I would be terrible at it:

Anyway, we discussed the stereotypes of people who go ice skating, and realized that there are a few distinct groups of people who always appear at the public skating sessions.

Top Ten Types of People Who Iceskate on a Saturday Night in January:

1. The Edge Shufflers. No public skating rink would be complete without all the people who can't skate at all. They scoot around the very outer edge of the ice, holding onto the wall for support.

2. The Whiz Kids. These little kids are scary, because they are so good at ice skating (because of all their hockey lessons) and they zip around people, weaving around and through peoples legs, cutting people off without signalling.

3. The Perpendicular Kids. Even more terrifying than the Whiz Kids, I've named them this because they can't skate at all, and will just skate across lanes of skating traffic, like a squirrel dashing across the road. Squirrels with no control or brakes, capable of leaving such havoc in their wake. Where are these children's parents, is the real question??

4. The Awkward College Freshman First Date. There are always one or two awkward date couples on the rink. The guy that isnt very confident on skates, but she said she used to love watching figure skating on tv, so hey, it's worth a shot. Plus, it's a great excuse to hold hands. And, maybe "accidentally" run into each other, I'm sorry, I don't know how to stop!

5. Old Roller-Derby Dads that are wearing their headphones and boogieing like no one is watching! Sure, he got his start on roller skates (300 years ago), but the same theories apply on ice. He can go backwards better than 80% of the people here, and he feels pretty hip doing it. (By the way, he's a father of one of the perpendicular kids)

6. Face Plant Kid. There is always one. He is not an edge shuffler, because he has left the safety of the wall and flown free of the nest. He is not a perpendicular kid, because he can't stay upright for long enough to even go ten feet in a straight line. He spends the whole time standing himself back up, but bless his heart, he's gonna keep trying for hours.

7. Norman Rockwell Girls. Girls who get completely dolled up to go ice skating, with their pretty red wool coat and their hair perfectly bumped on top and curled at the ends. Hoping that a handsome man will hold both their hands and they will skate together. Left, right, left, right. (Watch out for those Whiz Kids.)

8. The Burnt Out Skate Guards. There has to be someone in charge of the situation, and that is always the person who is much better than everyone else. They skate around, bored, making sure no one is getting hurt, helping up the Face Plant Kid, yelling at people who are throwing the ice shavings, and also at people who are holding hands with more than three people in a row. They are always crabby. And they use the time to practice their hockey stops and silently resent their wasted talent.

9. In Nashville, anything you do needs a category for Hipsters. They are everywhere. There is a group of them in their plaids and ironic christmas sweaters and their chunky glasses. They stick together (whether they are grouped in a corner and not skating at all, or skating slowly around amidst the couples and kids and skate guards). Harmless, and interesting. Just another flavor to add to the pot that is Public Skating Stew.

Last but certainly not least,

10. The One Black Couple.